Pain
It was the YouTube documentary “Raising Kratos” that ignited the fire that I needed to begin my journey as a Game Developer. I didn’t really have a real path or plan for my life at that time. I had a Game Studies (Game Design) degree from Bellevue, but I had chosen to become a software developer. My choice to do this was based on a few factors… financial security, ease of getting a job and my geographic location. I knew in my heart that I wanted to do something in games. I was the person in my class that put in 200% effort into my projects not because I wanted the best grade… but because of how I felt when I was working on the projects. I really loved making things and sharing them with others. It was really a passion of mine but in the end I had to choose software development. Let’s take a look at these factors in more detail.
I was the sole provider for my wife and me. I needed a stable income and one that wasn’t less than what I was making at Verizon as a sales representative. We had a house, and debt and bills. I couldn’t afford to take a huge pay cut.
The job outlook for a software engineer was overflowing at that time. Developers were in high demand. Everywhere you’d look there were jobs for developers and not just Senior or Mid-level developers… Junior developers. It was perfect for me to make a quick transition from retail to technology.
Covid didn’t happen until 2020 so I was already 2 years into being a software developer. At this time most of the video game studios didn’t allow remote work due to the nature of the job. It wasn’t until covid that companies realized how they could work together remotely and started opening up options for people in other states. Heck… I was driving 1.5 hours each way to work everyday just to have a software developer job. But I was willing to do whatever it took to support my family.
Now it’s November 2023, I graduated back in June and the game industry is suffering from massive layoffs. I guess it’s safe to say that a large number of technology companies are suffering from layoffs. I was laid off in June (yay graduation) and it was an extremely difficult time.
I feel so trapped. I’m in this terrible situation where I’m “too qualified” for any sort of internship because I have 5 years of “relevant” experience. I’m also in an even worse position because software developers typically make more than game developers… So, I would need to take a massive pay cut to start at a junior level, but I can’t afford to do that. Not because I’m used to living some extravagant lifestyle… but because with what I make now (still the primary breadwinner) I can just barely afford to live as it is. The game industry also doesn’t typically bring in mid-level game developers with no experience. There is also the tumultuous nature of the game industry as a whole. Being laid off for 2 months was one of the worst experiences I’ve ever been through. I don’t know if I could put my family through that again.
So where does this leave me? It leaves me in so much pain. Knowing how badly I want to make this happen… How badly I want to be part of something larger than myself. To learn from others and teach other people around me and just grow personally and professionally. To just be my full self-unleashed. I know I could help make some amazing things. When I imagine myself becoming a game developer it’s almost like I see myself going super saiyan. Finally unleashing my potential and ending up where I belong.
I don’t typically write blogs about how I feel. But I just felt it was really important to get this out. To finally put out into the world the challenges I’m having and my thoughts around overcoming them. I’m studying every day. Trigonometry, Linear Algebra, Problem solving, C++. I work hard to keep my skills sharp. I hope that one day a studio gives me a chance. I know it will be the best choice they ever made.
Thanks so much for reading my thoughts.